Couples Married and in Love – The Key to Staying Married

If your marriage is struggling, and you are no longer one of those couples married and in love, I have no doubt that one of the things that is lacking is the loving feelings you once shared. Sure conflict resolution may be a big problem you are dealing with, but most likely, the underlying reason is that you no longer feel in love with your spouse. So how can you get those loving feelings back? And how can you keep from destroying them again?

The very best way to explain it is has been shared by Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D. He has described it in the context of each spouse having a love bank that the other spouse either deposits or withdraws from. If too much hurt has occurred and no love has been shown, the bank will be empty, and leave the relationship in a state of despair. What is the remedy? Show love to your spouse. Help to rebuild those feelings in them, even if you don't feel like it at first.  Let me share ideas on how to do this.

Your spouse's feelings towards you are directly related to how you treat them – Your words, actions and behaviors all impact your spouse in one way or another. Learning to understand your partner's emotional needs and desires will allow you to impact them positively, thus building up those feelings of love. Five specific things that will hurt your relationship and the love you share are:

• selfish demands
• disrespectful judgments
• angry outburst
• annoying habits
• dishonesty 

Avoid these behaviors and watch the feeling of love grow. Once your partner begins to feel loved by you, the natural tendency will be for them to reciprocate loving gestures back, thus filling your love bank. The eventual outcome will be the feeling of "being in love" with your spouse again. Once that is established, working through all of the other marital issues, like conflict resolution will become a lot easier.

In conclusion, you need to strengthen your marriage by falling in love again. Stop doing the things that make your spouse feel unloved. Be considerate of them and their needs. Be empathetic; consider how your words or actions will affect them, rather than solely thinking of you. Show love to them, and watch it come back. Before you know it, the feelings will be there. So, be genuine; it will help to save your marriage

We appreciate the continued contributions of Tina Lovell to this programme

PEACE

Shimmy C. Kotu

chi@shimmykotu.com

www.shimmykotu.com

+27 846511036 cell / sms / text